Dealing with Imposter Syndrome the Confident and Killing It way

 
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As I was on my way back to London from a killer girls trip in Mykonos and after a full week of no emails, I decided to give it a little glance. I had the usual spam emails from Google but something caught my eye. It was an email from Magnify Magazine addressed to me. Magnify is magazine about faith, fashion and feminism. The journey of the magazine has motivated me to stay my own path, so of course I was super excited to see what the email said.

Dear Tiwa,

 The Magnify team would love to invite you to a Magnify dinner roundtable where we will be discussing 'Leading with passion and authenticity as a female leader'

I was like Huh?? Female leader?? Me? But I’m not a CEO and I have zero employees, why would they invite me to a round table on leadership? I genuinely did not believe the email was for me. So I did what every girl does when she needs answers…I called my mum. 


Me: Hi mummy, so I’ve just been invited to a round table discussion to talk about being a female leader but the thing is I don’t even know how I’m a leader.

Mummy: Tiwalola. What? OF COURSE you are a leader, you help people unleash their potential. You step outside your comfort zone, you achieve results. Go listen to John Maxwell 5 levels of leadership for some inspo.

 Me: Oh yeah, you have a point haha ok I’m a leader ** takes deep breath** I. Am. A. Leader.


 It turns out being a leader has nothing to do with CEO’s and having employees… that’s a boss. Leaders are people who live authentic lives and invest their time in developing people. They are visionaries and purpose-drive. And that’s exactly who I am. #YesIsaidit.  I love using my brand Confident and Killing It to help young women wake up to their truth and to the greatness within them. I inspire a generation of women to be confident, fearless and live the life they truly want.

Imposter syndrome is defined as a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a "fraud".  It’s so easy to forget all the things you achieved because life moves so fast and the question “so what’s next?” seems to be everyone’s immediate reaction right after you do something great like graduate or host an event or put yourself out there in any way. In my mind i’m like being a baby girl is what’s next!! #jokes


Ok, so how do you deal with imposter syndrome?

Here are 5 truths to wake up to and actionable steps you can take to move away from self doubt and become #ConfidentandKillingIt.


Truth 1: It’s time to wake TF up.

 Life is way too short for you to be walking around with little to no self-awareness. You need to get about the business of knowing yourself. What are your strengths? Your passions? What gets you upset? When are you happiest? When do you feel unstoppable? Knowing all of these things are important.  Why? Imagine hearing a thought in your head that “you’re not good enough” and you have nothing to say back to it? No boo boo. You have to hit it back with a fire comeback like... “I matter simply because I exist, my worth is intrinsic, I am always enough.”

Truth 2: It’s ok to ask for help.

Try and speak to people who really know you about your insecurities. The first thing I did was call my mum and she reminded me of all the great things about myself. On the days you feel insignificant make sure you have friends or family you can call on to be your cheerleaders.

Imagine hearing a thought in your head that “you’re not good enough” and you have nothing to say back to it? No boo boo. You have to hit it back with a fire comeback

Truth 3: It’s ok to celebrate yourself.

Celebrating yourself doesn’t make you arrogant. Learn to keep receipts of your achievements. You can keep track of big and small wins a couple of ways: 

a.      A little box to put positive notes you’ve written to yourself in

b.     A vision board where you put pictures up of those winning memories

c.      Your Instagram – I can’t tell you how often I use my Insta to remind myself that I AM THAT BITCH

d.      A journal – get one, write in it, and review it from time to time to see how far you’ve come  


Truth 4: Not having all the answers doesn’t make you a fraud.

You don’t need to be the smartest person in the room all the time. You are human. We all make mistakes, we all have short-coming’s, no one is perfect so take the pressure off yourself and get comfortable with being outside your comfort zone for a bit. If you don’t know the answer to something, acknowledge it and go do your research to find out more. Again, you are not a fraud and you aren’t stupid either.

Truth 5: Knowledge and capability are NOT the same thing.

 Just because you don’t know how to do something right now doesn’t mean you can’t quickly learn, practice and start improving. So if your imposter syndrome is triggered when you feel out of your depth, take some time to grow and develop your skills. The more you improve your skills the more confident you’ll be. Invest in yourself hunny.


Did you find these tips helpful? Share this post with your sisters, friends, mums and then let’s talk. Comment below or SEND ME A MESSAGE @ tiwa@confidentandkillingit.com OR @TIWALOWLA ON IG

 

 
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